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  • Dreamer, Shaper, Seeker, Maker

International Transgender Day of Visibility

Posted on Tue Mar 31 08:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

Androgynous

2015-03-29, f/1.8, ISO 100, 1/200s, variable ND filter, off-camera fill

At the beginning of August 2nd, 2006, I looked like I thought I was a cisgender, heterosexual man.

I have always been somewhat deviant in that I was a feminist long before I was willing to adopt the word and long before I really understood what that would require of me. I liked completely egalitarian relationships, I liked powerful women. I have, through most of my life, seen various examples of toxic masculinity (going to an all-boys Catholic high school provides ample opportunities). I did not really understand what I was doing in my late teens and early twenties, but I knew beyond doubt that I did not want to follow the example these men were setting for me.

I had a terrible time figuring out what kind of man I wanted to become.

Then, in 2006, I was in a conversation with someone who said to me "You have a very androgynous air to you". The words lodged in my brain as something much more than a mere descriptor. I researched when I got home, and by the end of the night I knew what Androgyne meant, that the word applied to me, and that my girlfriend had my back. With her support, I came out to all of my social circles within a two week period. I did not come out to my family or to my work until many years later, but I likewise did not keep it a secret.

The years have passed. I do not really look so androgynous any more, but I am still an Androgyne despite my feminine presentation. Only in recent years have I gained the confidence and the courage to assert my right to walk in trans spaces. I have finally learned to set aside "not trans enough", because non-binary individuals belong there just as much as trans women and trans men.

For me, International Transgender Day of Visibility has to be about celebrating all gender identities and all gender presentations. It has to be about giving visibility to those who get erased simply because they cannot fit into the molds provided by our culture's common vocabulary. It has to be about honoring the living in all their complex glory.

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A Few Pieces Out of Place

Posted on Fri Mar 13 08:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

A Few Pieces Out of Place

2013-01-06, f/1.8, ISO 100, HDR 1/100s:1/400s:1/25s

Just imagine trying to play Chess... when most of the pieces look the same. Oh, wait, do you see "King" written on that pawn in the back?

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Bike bike bike!!!!

Posted on Wed Mar 11 13:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

I love bikes. I have absolutely no qualms expressing my love for bikes, and nothing really expresses my love more than the photographs I take of bicycles.

I feel joy every time I see a full rack like this.

Or bikes at rest out on a trail.

Pain when I see a fallen comrade.

This is my steed. It has served me well and I hope to keep it going for several more years. With only a single ring in the front, it doesn't quite provide the kind of hill-climbing power that I would like, so I may one day sell it to someone more interested in flatland racing. But until then, this is my machine.

I should also note that my car didn't exactly break down, but I no longer trust it to not break down. So I have not driven since the 22nd of February.

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Morning Pages

Posted on Wed Mar 4 13:00:00 CST 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

Morning Pages, 2015-01

2015-01-13, f/1.8, ISO 400, HDR 1/80s:1/320s:1/20s

In theory, I write in a journal every morning. In practice, just living takes up so much time that I don't actually get around to it every morning. But this would certainly count as a very peaceful time of the day.

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HRC Gala, Austin, 2015

Posted on Tue Feb 24 10:55:00 CST 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

I attended the HRC Gala in Austin last Saturday night. I don't have a lot to say about it right now, but I just got the photograph taken of myself and many people whom I love dearly.

I know a hell of a lot of beautiful people in the Austin TGQ community.

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Dear You

Posted on Wed Feb 18 12:00:00 CDT 2015 by Cory A.

Dear you,
I wonder what you saw just before bright headlights
made everything dim.
I wonder if you saw the mirrored grace
of a reflection that was almost yours.
Dear you,
I wonder how the rope felt as you tied the knot
that turned a closet into a coroners photograph
a picture of a frame that was never truly your own.
Dear you,
I wonder what you heard between the chambered round ringing
and the strike of the hammer.
Was it a canticle chorus of "God doesn't make mistakes".
Dear you,
I wonder what you tasted as your fathers blade
split into your stomach,
the foul bitterness of his words internalized
that would spill across your tongue.
Dear you,
I wondered what you smelled before fists
made matchsticks of your nose.
Could you scent the panic he said he felt
before ending yours.
Dear you,
I wonder what you were thinking as a dark alley
made you disappear.
Dreams of your future lived as yourself
now entombed in those shadows.
Dear you, I wish I didn't have these thoughts.
Dear you, I wish I didn't have to write this poem.
Dear you, I wish I could outstretch my arms,
Rampart my ribs and spire my spine
to shield you from a world so filled with hate.
But dear you,
You are no longer with us.
And dear you,
I can only carry you in my heavy heart,
my mournful thought,
and my desperate prayers.
So dear you,
I write this as a record
And hope I never have
to add another line.
Dear you,
I write this to your memory.
Dear you,
I write to you with love.

-- Cory A.

Cory A. is a 31 year old transgirl in Nova Scotia discovering herself and the world around her through poetry and spoken work

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In Memory

Posted on Tue Feb 17 14:30:00 CST 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

Last week was terrible for the TGQ community.

Two trans women killed in a single week.

Four this month.

Seven TGQ people since the start of the year.

One was murdered by her own father. Another by her boyfriend. The others, I don't know. Not yet, anyway.

Perhaps seven people is not enough to draw the attention of most people, but the TGQ community is small. Every death, especially murders likely motivated by gender policing, rocks the entire community nationwide. Each of us walks a little more carefully, checks in a little more often. More fear, every time.

For me, it is not enough to simply shrink away. I have to do something, even if it looks small and futile.

Today, I added a memorial to my website. I will keep it maintained, updating information about the investigations, adding additional links. When I have the energy to do so, I will add photos, summaries, and dedicated pages. Counts, broken down by investigation status, identity, frequency, and comparing that to the population at large.

And, when another of us dies, I will create a record for hir, too.

This is my cry of defiance.


My memorial page page is not a simple web page. I source all of the data from [.yml][yaml] files, one per person. I created a module in Haskell for doing the parsing, loading, and providing the data format. The hard part of the whole thing was shoehorning it into my website software, which is, frankly, terrible. I will refactor that presently, largely by replacing Happstack with Scotty and Blaze with Heist or another templating system.

If you want access to the raw data, it is available as a public git repository:

If you want access to the parser module to embed into your own applications, that is also available, BSD-3 licensed:


Email me if you know of somebody who belongs on this list. The list is for Transgender, Genderqueer, and Queer individuals who have died, whether murdered, by suicide, accidentally, or even (hopefully) by natural causes.

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Exxopolis, 2013-01

Posted on Wed Jan 28 08:00:00 CST 2015

Exxopolis is a "Luminarium", an inflated palace, that Keely and I visited two years ago. I only just now developed the pictures. The interior of the structure is surreal, peaceful (despite the number of people), calming. It invites exploration and relaxation. I wish we had more structures like this, and I hope that Architects of Air returns to Texas soon.

Architecs of Air Touring Schedule

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Flowers, 2015-01

Posted on Wed Jan 14 08:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

Flowers, 2015-01

Flowers, 2015-01-07, f/1.8, ISO 400, HDR 1/80s:1/320s:1/20s, 50mm

I love having flowers around my house. I pretty much ignored that possibility for years, but around Christmas time I decided that I wanted them. And now I decorate part of my living room with flowers and also have the foresight to occasionally take flowers to the people I love.

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Board Game Suggestions

Posted on Thu Jan 8 11:00:00 CDT 2015

Recently, Natalie asked for recommendations for games that work well with 2-3 players. I started to make a list, but the list got too extensive. Sometimes my recommendation matches the suggestion on the box, sometimes it doesn't. I have sometimes found that the possible number of players listed on the box doesn't match where the game really shines. So, here is my current list based on the games that I have played, especially in the last couple of years.

Here's to Nat!

2 Players

  • Agricola
  • Backgammon
  • Binary Homeworlds
  • Chess
  • Gipfs, Tsarr, Punct, Zerts, Yinsh
  • Go

3 - 4 Players

  • Agricola
  • Antike
  • Battlestar Galactica
  • Gnostica
  • Homeworlds
  • Innovation
  • Legacy: The Gears of Time
  • Love Letter
  • Pandemic
  • Seasons
  • Zendo

5 Players

  • Agricola
  • Antike
  • Battlestar Galactica
  • Zendo

6 Players

  • Antike
  • Battlestar Galactica
  • Zendo
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