• To Dream of Magick
  • Dreamer, Shaper, Seeker, Maker

Portland Pictures

Posted on Wed Aug 19 09:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

About a year ago I posted most of the pictures from my trip to Portland, Oregon in 2011. It turns out, though, that I missed a few. These last two I actually got in Cannon Beach, Oregon.

That said, I still have undeveloped pictures from that trip, so I may continue posting additional pictures for years yet. The beauty of pictures is that I can easily go back to revisit them years later, and remember so much in the process.

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Language Quality

Posted on Fri Jul 31 08:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

  • Perl
  • Python
  • C
  • Go
  • Ocaml
  • Haskell
  • Javascript
  • Clojure
  • Java

I have written thousands of lines of code in each and every one of those languages. I have written hundreds of thousands of lines in C and Python.

I am fully aware that some people find their ways into computer science via Python, PHP, Javascript, Ruby, and what have you. I am also fully aware that some people (such as myself) are required to keep using them in order to make ends meet. Given my breadth and depth of experience, though, I can call out these programming languages on their quality, if only by how much fully automatable work they do not do for the developer.

So go ahead. Keep tell me I'm full of shit for writing code in Haskell.

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Fade, 2012-01

Posted on Wed Jul 22 08:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

Fade, 2012-01

Fade, Austin, Texas. 2012-01-24, f/2.8, ISO 400, 1/10s:1/6s:1/3s:1s:2s:3s:6s:11s:23s, 50mm

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Silicon Labs, 2011-12

Posted on Wed Jul 15 08:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

Silicon Labs, 2011-12

Silicon Labs, Austin, Texas. 2011-12-26, f/5.6, ISO 100, HDR 1/1500s:1/750s:1/350s:1/3000s:1/180s, 29mm

The Silicon Labs building is everpresent on town lake here in Austin. This photo is from my earliest days of photography. The day after Christmas I did a photowalk with one of my friends. While I rarely think of that day, I do recall the striking clouds that characterized the sky that day. I still have many undeveloped photos, and looking at them I find I can remember, with great detail, the moment when I found the shot.

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Giving up on email

Posted on Sun Jul 12 10:00:00 CDT 2015

As of today, I am completely giving up on email.

I made hints of this a year ago, but now I am just done. Email has been little more than a burden for the last few years. Maintaining my own email server is actually very difficult. Spam filtering is always falling behind spam sending. My choices in accounts are an account that I pay for that has very little (if any) support, a server that I maintain myself using the atrociously awful things we call email servers, and one of the free accounts that gives major companies and the NSA just a trivial time reading everything.

And then there are the clients. Email readers are awful. Atrociously so. This is likely a result of having been stuck trying to support thousands of different use cases. Whatever the case, though, core use cases for me are not common in any email client, and I just cannot cope any more.

I am going to switch to gmail. And then I am not going to give out my gmail address. We cannot survive in the online world without an email address, so I know I have to maintain something. But I do not want any more to put any work into it.


What I always loved about email was that there was a common medium that most people could use to contact me. That was true twenty years ago, but the advent of Facebook/G+/Twitter/LinkedIn, and that email has degraded over time, has left me maintaining half a dozen accounts and never entirely remembering how to contact anyone.

I dream, one day, of opening up a single application on my computer, and seeing all of my messages in threaded form with HTML formatting (but not Javascript). And being able to just reply to messages from that application without worring about whether I am using the right communications medium.

Keep dreaming.


Anyway, do not email me any more. I have not decided the proper way to contact me, so I am just going to be difficult for a time.

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Between the Genders

Posted on Wed Jun 24 22:00:00 CDT 2015

The following is an essay that I performed at Queer Mountain tonight, along with the video.


"In between" is a real thing. It is the space through which I can move without obstruction. It separates our star from the next, giving our world room to exist. It is the time separating one job from the next, giving room to explore. It is the relationship connecting you and me. In between is a world where magic can thrive. It is the world in which all boundaries are off, the rules are unknown, and anything is possible.

I live between genders. Like everyone, I was born and assigned to a gender, so I tried to fit into that mold until I was 28. It was an ill fit; things were demanded of me that I wasn't willing to be. I just kept walking through life appeasing people when I had to but otherwise doing my own thing. At a group dinner one night in 2006, somebody who only barely knew me, whom I rarely saw before and have never seen since, happened to just look at me and say "you have a really androgynous air about you". Now, this person was talking about how I present to the world, but in that moment I recognized an internal truth about myself. Most of what has happened to me in the nine years since has been because I realized that men and women are not the only people in this world.

How do I even explain what it's like? Words hold power. The right words let us access the intangible. I deconstructed gender. Later I put it back together as loose descriptive words. Androgyne, Genderqueer, Nonbinary, Enby, Agender, Genderfluid, Third Gender, and so many others, each carries its own unique magic, and each represents a flag In Between. The proliferation, each year bringing new terms, shows just how many experiences of the world there are.

I don't have a gender, and I use the word Androgyne to designate this. My experience of the world is never prefixed with "as a man" or "as a woman". I just view the world in my own way. In one part of my day I may appear to be a flamingly gay guy, in another part a sober professional woman, in a third part a young child quaking in fear. Each of these sets of mannerisms originate with my emotions, an acting out of an internal state, but none speak to an experience of gender.

But, how can I emote "androgyny" to a world that cannot see it?

Well, I can't. Bisexual and asexual people understand erasure. A woman dates women exclusively for a time and is assumed to be a lesbian. Then she meets and marries a man and the world assumes she was just "going through a phase". An asexual person gets married and so the world assumes zie actually is sexual and was "just going through a phase".

"Just going through a phase." "Gender is a biological term." "You're not really trans unless you experience dysphoria." "Trans women are just men trying to invade women's spaces." "Nonbinary is just cis trying to claim to be trans." "Attention Seeker."

Such toxic words. All dehumanizing. All to erase that which is different.

Being non-binary means striking the walls of this strictly gendered world. I don't know what bathroom I can use, so I fake it. I lie on forms that have a gender field, because only a few places believe I can exist. I don't ask out straight women because I am not a man, but I also don't ask out lesbian women because I am not a woman. I dress myself to be beautiful, knowing that I'll be misgendered but one pronoun hurts and the other does not. It means speaking out for women and for transgender people, knowing that so long as the binary rules, I need an invitation to join the party.

But

Being non-binary also means changing the boundaries. Finding common ground and unexpected friends. Relating to you as I really am, not as the rules say I must be. Creating new space for variety to flourish. Being beautiful as I wish. Seeing through the hyper-masculine and hyper-feminine pathologies and saying "oh, hell no". Experiencing and expressing rage, fear, joy, love, passion, delight, excitement, because fuck the rules and fuck decorum! This is my life and this tapestry of emotions, unchained from rules of how men should be and how women should be, is rich beyond compare!

I am happier than I have ever been. The people I love see me. The trans community has embraced me. At Queerbomb I finally feel safe and welcome.

The magic of In Between is to define my life on my own terms.

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Queerbomb, 2015

Posted on Wed Jun 10 08:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

While I posted on Monday the pictures of me, tonight I post the pictures that I took at Queerbomb. Most of mine were before the event and during the rally. By the time of the procession, I put my camera away and, as I said before, spent most of the processing carrying a Transgender Pride flag with my girlfriends.

I have found my people. This is my community, the large version of it. All brought together simply by refusing to follow the rules of gender and sexuality set forth by a society that cannot stand diversity.

I have never before been so happy. Nor have I ever before been in true fear of my safety and the safety of those whom I love. Every society imposes a penalty upon those who do not confirm, and we pay the price in blood.

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Queerbomb, 2015! Out and Proud!

Posted on Sun Jun 7 10:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

Source

Queerbomb 2015 has come and gone!

What is Queerbomb? Pride. Inclusive. Without corporate dominance. With a deliberate effort to eliminate transphobia, biphobia, ableism, classism, and racism. An attempt to unite people from all walks of life who just happen to fall into the LGBTQIA family.

This year I attended with my pod, most of whom I didn't even know last year. I had a total blast even without attending the big crazy parties. Marching down 6th, waving the Transgender Pride flag with my girlfriends, surrounded by tons of people from the entire LGBTQIA community.

Other people's Queerbomb pictures

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HRC Gala, Austin, 2015

Posted on Thu May 21 12:30:00 CDT 2015

I still have very little to comment about February's HRC Gala. It was amazing how little clue the HRC has on trans issues. And, frankly, I am tired of the marriage rights thing. They are so focused on it that they have pretty much ignored the rest of us, some of whom are struggling just ot survive, and they are going to continue doing so. As soon as the Supreme Court decision comes down, they are going to start focusing on other countries. I have a little trouble holding that against them given that being gay is a death sentence in some of these countries. At the same time I know and am trying to help trans people right here who are just struggling to survive, who face discrimination and violence every day, and who face the real possibility that some of our own governments are going to criminalize our very existence.

More commentary than I planned. No more. Instead, I provide pictures of the beautiful people I went with. We had a table of six trans women, three close allies (two married to trans women), one enby (myself), and lots of poly representation. And then we had a lovely after-party filled with drinks, games, and talking about science fiction books.

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2015-05-05

Posted on Tue May 5 11:30:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel

All right, world. Let's do this!

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