Posted on Wed Dec 2 08:00:00 CST 2015
I spent a year in Driftwood. I lived alone out there in a small cabin in the woods. I called the space home.
During that year, I rebuilt my soul. I learned for sure that I am no good living as a hermit, but that I can hermit for periods of time and be happy during those periods. I had a lot of quiet time. Lots of time to just think. I worked on projects, finally mastered Haskell to the point that I was willing to teach it, and started to regain the confidence that I needed to take on the world on my own terms.
I have many more pictures, all undeveloped, from my time out there. Over time, I will develop and post more. Whenever I feel the need to revisit that time of quiet.
I hope it is not the last one my life affords me.
Posted on Wed Oct 21 08:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel
The same shot, five different framings. All a play of perspective.
Posted on Wed Oct 14 12:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel
It is officially called the Liz Carpenter Fountain. We who experience magic call it the Faerie Fountain. It is almost always broken or turned off, so these pictures are from years ago.
Perhaps one day it will be turned on and we can run through the magic and lights again.
Posted on Fri Sep 25 16:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel
Selfies are good for the soul. They help people to start seeing he beauty in themselves. In the LGBTQ In Tech slack group, we have an entire channel dedicated towards them.
Every now and then, I have the energy to put my good camera on a tripod and deal with aiming, sitting down to check aim, re-aiming, focusing, etc. I generally love the results.
Posted on Wed Aug 19 09:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel
About a year ago I posted most of the pictures from my trip to Portland, Oregon in 2011. It turns out, though, that I missed a few. These last two I actually got in Cannon Beach, Oregon.
That said, I still have undeveloped pictures from that trip, so I may continue posting additional pictures for years yet. The beauty of pictures is that I can easily go back to revisit them years later, and remember so much in the process.
Posted on Fri Jul 31 08:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel
I have written thousands of lines of code in each and every one of those languages. I have written hundreds of thousands of lines in C and Python.
So go ahead. Keep tell me I'm full of shit for writing code in Haskell.
Posted on Wed Jul 22 08:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel
This photograph, "Fade, 2012-01", is available for use under a Creative-Commons By-Attribution Non-Commercial Share-Alike license.
Posted on Wed Jul 15 08:00:00 CDT 2015 by Savanni D'Gerinel
Silicon Labs, Austin, Texas. 2011-12-26, f/5.6, ISO 100, HDR 1/1500s:1/750s:1/350s:1/3000s:1/180s, 29mm
The Silicon Labs building is everpresent on town lake here in Austin. This photo is from my earliest days of photography. The day after Christmas I did a photowalk with one of my friends. While I rarely think of that day, I do recall the striking clouds that characterized the sky that day. I still have many undeveloped photos, and looking at them I find I can remember, with great detail, the moment when I found the shot.
This photograph, "Silicon Labs, 2011-12", is available for use under a Creative-Commons By-Attribution Non-Commercial Share-Alike license.
Posted on Sun Jul 12 10:00:00 CDT 2015
As of today, I am completely giving up on email.
I made hints of this a year ago, but now I am just done. Email has been little more than a burden for the last few years. Maintaining my own email server is actually very difficult. Spam filtering is always falling behind spam sending. My choices in accounts are an account that I pay for that has very little (if any) support, a server that I maintain myself using the atrociously awful things we call email servers, and one of the free accounts that gives major companies and the NSA just a trivial time reading everything.
And then there are the clients. Email readers are awful. Atrociously so. This is likely a result of having been stuck trying to support thousands of different use cases. Whatever the case, though, core use cases for me are not common in any email client, and I just cannot cope any more.
I am going to switch to gmail. And then I am not going to give out my gmail address. We cannot survive in the online world without an email address, so I know I have to maintain something. But I do not want any more to put any work into it.
What I always loved about email was that there was a common medium that most people could use to contact me. That was true twenty years ago, but the advent of Facebook/G+/Twitter/LinkedIn, and that email has degraded over time, has left me maintaining half a dozen accounts and never entirely remembering how to contact anyone.
Anyway, do not email me any more. I have not decided the proper way to contact me, so I am just going to be difficult for a time.
Posted on Wed Jun 24 22:00:00 CDT 2015
The following is an essay that I performed at Queer Mountain tonight, along with the video.
"In between" is a real thing. It is the space through which I can move without obstruction. It separates our star from the next, giving our world room to exist. It is the time separating one job from the next, giving room to explore. It is the relationship connecting you and me. In between is a world where magic can thrive. It is the world in which all boundaries are off, the rules are unknown, and anything is possible.
I live between genders. Like everyone, I was born and assigned to a gender, so I tried to fit into that mold until I was 28. It was an ill fit; things were demanded of me that I wasn't willing to be. I just kept walking through life appeasing people when I had to but otherwise doing my own thing. At a group dinner one night in 2006, somebody who only barely knew me, whom I rarely saw before and have never seen since, happened to just look at me and say "you have a really androgynous air about you". Now, this person was talking about how I present to the world, but in that moment I recognized an internal truth about myself. Most of what has happened to me in the nine years since has been because I realized that men and women are not the only people in this world.
How do I even explain what it's like? Words hold power. The right words let us access the intangible. I deconstructed gender. Later I put it back together as loose descriptive words. Androgyne, Genderqueer, Nonbinary, Enby, Agender, Genderfluid, Third Gender, and so many others, each carries its own unique magic, and each represents a flag In Between. The proliferation, each year bringing new terms, shows just how many experiences of the world there are.
I don't have a gender, and I use the word Androgyne to designate this. My experience of the world is never prefixed with "as a man" or "as a woman". I just view the world in my own way. In one part of my day I may appear to be a flamingly gay guy, in another part a sober professional woman, in a third part a young child quaking in fear. Each of these sets of mannerisms originate with my emotions, an acting out of an internal state, but none speak to an experience of gender.
But, how can I emote "androgyny" to a world that cannot see it?
Well, I can't. Bisexual and asexual people understand erasure. A woman dates women exclusively for a time and is assumed to be a lesbian. Then she meets and marries a man and the world assumes she was just "going through a phase". An asexual person gets married and so the world assumes zie actually is sexual and was "just going through a phase".
"Just going through a phase." "Gender is a biological term." "You're not really trans unless you experience dysphoria." "Trans women are just men trying to invade women's spaces." "Nonbinary is just cis trying to claim to be trans." "Attention Seeker."
Such toxic words. All dehumanizing. All to erase that which is different.
Being non-binary means striking the walls of this strictly gendered world. I don't know what bathroom I can use, so I fake it. I lie on forms that have a gender field, because only a few places believe I can exist. I don't ask out straight women because I am not a man, but I also don't ask out lesbian women because I am not a woman. I dress myself to be beautiful, knowing that I'll be misgendered but one pronoun hurts and the other does not. It means speaking out for women and for transgender people, knowing that so long as the binary rules, I need an invitation to join the party.
Being non-binary also means changing the boundaries. Finding common ground and unexpected friends. Relating to you as I really am, not as the rules say I must be. Creating new space for variety to flourish. Being beautiful as I wish. Seeing through the hyper-masculine and hyper-feminine pathologies and saying "oh, hell no". Experiencing and expressing rage, fear, joy, love, passion, delight, excitement, because fuck the rules and fuck decorum! This is my life and this tapestry of emotions, unchained from rules of how men should be and how women should be, is rich beyond compare!
I am happier than I have ever been. The people I love see me. The trans community has embraced me. At Queerbomb I finally feel safe and welcome.
The magic of In Between is to define my life on my own terms.